Life is full of surprises and challenges, small ones and big ones. We are bombarded on a daily basis with challenges and demands. People respond quite differently to that. Some seem to wither under pressure. Others thrive. Most of us hover in between. Experiencing a traumatic event might have a devastating effect on your life. Yet, some people bounce right back, quickly overcome any adversity. And even claim personal growth as an after-effect. The difference in response is made up by resilience.
Used as a magic word by some, or frowned upon by others, resilience can best be described as the ability to adapt to stress, change and adversity and become stronger in the process. It entails adjusting to the different life stages despite adversity, recoiling to a prior state of well-being after meeting adversity and the ability to recover from trauma. Resilience is the sum total of your strengths, coping skills, past, present and future learning experiences.
More interestingly, resilience potentially surpasses mere survival and coping. It can grow into actually discovering something positive (benefit finding), getting to know yourself better (improved introspection), and regaining new strengths (post traumatic growth).
Research has shown that people who were confronted with severely shocking, life threatening events, not only relate the pain, devastation and discomfort but also the way in which the events changed their lives for the better. This obviates that experiencing negative events does not need to be detrimental. Given time and effort to overcome a life shattering experience, it holds within it a potential for personal growth. There is truth in the saying: ‘What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’.
Is resilience a matter of haves and have nots?
Resilience is not static. It is not something you have or don’t have. Surely, part of your resilience will be determined by your personality, your genetic make-up and prior experiences. But the positive message is that you can train your resilience.
Researchers have developed resilience tests and found that a person can have high, above average, below average, or low resilience at different times in their life. Most people score average. Above average scorers feel they are in control of their lives. Stress and adversity might throw them off for a little while, but it is relatively easy to get back on track. If you score below average, any stress and adversity are a serious strain. It takes time and effort to overcome them.
If you suffered a lot of hardship for an extended period of time, you are likely to score low on resilience. It feels like your spring has been hopelessly overextended, for a long time. Each new challenge adds on to that feeling. Tension rises with each approach or anticipation of change or potential stress. Every new thing seems too much effort. You fall from one crisis into the next.
On the other hand, people with high resilience can handle stress and adversity quite well. They see these as mere challenges, and bounce right back.
Like all tests, a resilience score reflects a snapshot in time. Your resilience score will be influenced by the amount of chores you have on your plate, your support system, and on how your life is running at that moment.
Scoring high on resilience does not mean that you are forever untouchable or unbreakable. It points to the fact that life is going well for you at that time. Likewise, low resilience does not imply you cannot change anything and you are bound for failure. Resilience is dynamic and can be trained. It is quite normal to go from high to above or below average, or vice versa. And it is also possible to move from low resilience to above average.
How to train resilience?
Having discovered that you can train resilience, several countries invest in their human capital by offering resilience programs to their inhabitants. Two of the most popular ones are the 10 positive steps to mental health or the 5 steps to mental well being.
What these resilience training programmes have in common, is a focus on the protective factors for mental health: Things like having a support network, good communication skills, healthy life style, problem solving skills and so on. A large part of resilience is determined by coping skills. This is your ability and skill set to handle day to day problems, frustrations, obstacles and tolerate stress. For instance, do you manage to tap into available sources around you when dealing with problems (asking for help, relying on and engaging friends, …)? Are you able to talk about the things that are happening, or do you keep everything to yourself? Do you tackle problems the minute they arise, or do you rather avoid dealing with it? Do you focus on all the things that go wrong for you or do you experience the problem as a challenge? Have you found healthy ways to let off steam? Do you believe that all will end well or are you convinced you cannot change anything?
Although people tend to have a preferred coping style (emotion focused or solution focused) and might have been leading their lives in a certain way, nothing is cast in stone. There is a lot of room for improvement or fine-tuning. Most of us don’t need radical change. Even small changes yield a huge improvement in life quality. Each step in the right direction protects your inner balance against adversity.
