The compounds

Ever wonder what resilience is made of? Or which factors determine how much resilience you have at your disposal?

Resilience is the sum total of your unique gene package, the coping skills you acquired and the lessons you learned in the school of life. It is determined by several factors:

Genetics

Just like mental illness can run in the family, you might find a propensity towards more or less resilience amongst your kin. Resilience is partly influenced by genetic factors. We are born with a specific genetic package that contains the elements of our neurobiology.  For instance, there are differences in the function, balance and interaction of numerous hormones, as well as in the neurotransmitters and neuropeptides involved in the acute psychobiological responses to stress. Thus, our own unique wiring will influence our ability to handle stressors.

Although this hereditary aspect of resilience is not to be discounted, there is no need to throw in the towel. Luckily the expression of the genes is influenced by environmental factors, and we still have a fair margin to play with.

MarkPersonality

As early as in utero, humans display some of the typical character traits that are unique to that person. Do you go with the flow and desire to live at peace with yourself and the world? Or are you restless and can’t wait to explore the world outside? Perhaps you like being the center of attention, voicing your opinion, and being a leader. Or maybe you prefer keeping your thoughts to yourself.

Recent research has positively linked resilience to four of the Big Five personality traits: Extraversion, openness, agreeableness, and conscientiousness. Resilience is negatively correlated to neuroticism. In other words, resilient people tend to have more of the following character traits:

  • emotionally stable
  • extraverted
  • straightforward
  • unconventional
  • warm
  • have wide interests
  • feel positive towards and engage in social activity
  • a higher level of self-control and motivation toward accomplishments
  • less negative emotions.

This comes as no surprise. But what happens if you cannot tick off all of the above boxes?

It is not quite possible to turn a natural born pessimist into the world’s biggest optimist. In other words, if you are a born and bred negative thinker it is very unlikely that you will be completely able to discard of those negative thought processes. However, with work and effort you will be able to grow towards a more positive approach. You can develop better balanced thinking processes. You can learn to allow joy and happiness when they are due.

Likewise with resilience: if you have low resilience, with some help you will be able to move up, improving your life quality tremendously.

Past experiences

We are a product of our past experiences. Early life experiences play an important role, like being able to develop basic trust, the attachment style to your important others, and whether you managed to reach developmental milestones. They make the difference between a rock solid or super flawed foundation, or anything that lies between.

It is also important to consider the perceived support from your environment. Was there a lot of conflict? Did you feel loved and respected? Was there a match between what you needed and what was provided? Or were your needs frequently frustrated? Perhaps your early and later relationships were mainly destructive? Reflect on the relationship scripts you absorbed and which ones still play a role in your present life. As well as the impact of  traumatic experiences.

Bear in mind that it is not so much the amount of successes and failures that matters, but what you managed to learn from them. Your past is the lens through which you see the present and future. It determines your emotional response (or lack thereof) to any given situation. This underlines the importance of working through any past issues in order to incorporate them into your personal life history. They are part of the string of events and experiences that shaped you into who you are today.

Coping skills

The larger part of resilience is determined by coping skills. These are your ability and skill set to handle day to day problems, frustrations, obstacles and tolerate stress. This part is the most pliable and therefore warrants most of our attention.

Coping styles are individually determined. For instance, do you manage to tap into available resources around you when dealing with problems (asking for help, relying on and engaging friends, …)? Have you found healthy ways to let off steam? Do you prefer talking about the things that are happening, or do you keep everything to yourself? Some people tackle problems the minute they arise, others take their time or withdraw to a safe space and go through a great deal of effort to avoid dealing with the issue at hand. When it comes to thought processes, people can also display vastly different responses. Some focus on all the things that go wrong for them or believe they cannot truely change anything. Others experience the hurdle as a welcome challenge. They are convinced all will end well. How do you typically cope with things?

Researchers distinguish between emotion focused and solution focused coping. Emotion focused coping centers on gaining control over the emotions that were triggered by the situation or on accepting a difficult change. Dealing with your emotions is a key factor in situations that are beyond your control. For instance, a death or life threatening illness in the family.

Solution focused coping entails all efforts to try and resolve the conundrum and get you out of the sticky situation. This approach works best when dealing with situations that are manageable, where you are confronted with a problem you can actually address. For instance, conflict at work, car trouble, …

Typically, the following are listed as effective coping skills: actively addressing the problem (not avoiding), looking for support, managing negative thought processes, applying healthy stress reduction strategies, expressing emotions and adopting comforting thoughts.

Although people tend to have a preferred coping style (emotion focused or solution focused) all these things can be trained and will protect your inner balance against adversity.

Present circumstances

A series of successes can spark an ‘on-top-of-the-world’ feeling. Likewise, a succession of bad luck and adverse events will wear you down. If you are going through a rough patch in your life, it is only normal that it takes more effort to bounce back. Resilience is dynamic. The amount of resilience you have available will depend on what you have in store and how well your supplies have been nourished.

The building project

We opened our box full of resilience building blocks and had a sneak peek at what you can possibly find. Did you spot some strong blocks to provide structural strength? Are yours readily assembled and quick to raise? Or does it look all wrong? Do you have to tear you blocks down and reassemble the pieces before you can stand tall?

Try and work with what you are given. They are yours and just for that reason they are special.

Remember, resilience is not a matter of have or have nots. You can work on your coping skills. You can train your skills and improve your ability to handle whatever life throws at you. You do not have to do this by yourself. Assistance is available.

Building blocks for resilient communities?

Having read how resilience is essential to mental health and is trainable, it makes one wonder about consequences on a societal level. Most Western societies developed a propensity to avoid discomfort and to protect their young fiercely. This ranges from disinfecting and baby-proofing everything in the house, dropping the kids off by car where ever they want to go, never allowing them out of sight, doing everything for them, to concerted efforts to avoid any type of emotional challenge or disappointment.

Even though all these efforts are well-intended, they also deprive our kids of the opportunity to learn how to handle life and train their resilience. By removing all obstacles, we are in a way hampering their natural development, leaving them ill-equipped to deal with stress, change and adversity.

Of course, it doesn’t mean we should start doing the opposite and deliberately abuse or neglect our kids. Yet, it is important that a child can make its own mistakes and broach its own hurdles, in the knowledge that the parents or other adults are available if it doesn’t work out…

Practicing problem solving skills, communication skills, working through your emotions in a social acceptable manner should be part of any type of education. And in this case, practice does not necessarily make perfect, but does result in creating solid, reliable, resilient human beings…